Clubs Porkies and Image; Thika’s Finest

The screens are so big and realistic that the more inebriated customers clutch at their family jewels whenever  Cristiano takes a free kick.

Thika is awesome. It is also very small.  The CBD is crowded with so many clubs that  if the Bouncer Kicks/throws launches/drags (Depending on your level of inebriation) out of one, you will be as likely to land at the entrance of another club as you are to land of a prostitute, “sorrey” Sex Care Provider (SCP). These two categories of pleasure spots? seem infinitely abundant in the pineapple town.  Anyway back to clubs, everybody is yammering on an on about Club image so I guess I should do a small expose to ensure that my bored Nairobi friends do not cause unnecessary jam in our roads without knowing what they are getting themselves into. ImageThe club is located at the farthest corner of town, next to some piggeries (where they sell pork) . Despite the seedy location the entrance is splendid looking and only marred by about 3 or 6 bouncers(can’t be sure coz by the time I get there am so drunk it could be 3 but am seeing double, hell it’s probably 1 and a half and I see triple will tell u when I get there sober). Some things are constant about club image, you will buy three beers to get in, and if it’s Friday and you are not there by 7 Am sharp you won’t get a seat on which to drink them. (Ok pm) The club has 3 floors and although I can’t tell them apart, a pall of mine claimed the higher you go the better it gets. The ground floor has a pool table, never attempt to play, opening the game cost 30 bob or 40, I don’t remember very well and as soon as you put in the money you realize the table is broken… they don’t give refunds, it a policy, don’t bother to argue about it I’ve tried.  Beer is 170, Guinness is 200, the service is acceptable and the screens are so big and realistic that the more inebriated customers clutch at their family jewels whenever a Cristiano takes a free kick. Enough about image. PS . I have it on good authority that there is a club exactly like image in Dubai, someone modeled on the other although we can’t be sure who, Image is however newer, if you get my drift.
Porkies:
The press won’t shut up about porkies and before image it was all my Nairobi  friends could yammer about, ohh!!! I we endad  parkies last weekend , imagine it was xooo cool, (Spoken in a typical Nairobi gals accent? Dialect? ). Back to the press, George Thou (His soul rest in peace) drank something in porkies and kicked the bucket, or whatever it is that retired politicians kick. Surprisingly instead of making revelers cautious about imbibing in the statistically "lethal" drinks. It seems to have encouraged them, but then again this is Kenya where bombs attract bigger crowds than political rallies. Why else would my pal Bony, whose name is shall not reveal,,, oops   trot there a month after the incident and demand  to be served with whatever Thuo Drank to show them how tough he was. In his defense he was had had one or two or three of 6 for the floor. Drama aside porkies has two floors or and to climb the stairs to the top one must part with a 100, or more depending on the season. My frugal upbringing or the glue in my pockets have yet to allow me the privilege. The beer goes for 160 and Guinness 180/170, be sure they open the bottle on the table and rinse it with your drink before pouring libation to your ancestors, (A little caution won’t kill you you know… no pun)in any case if I wanted to put anything in your drink, I would use the glass Just saying.  Someday we shall talk about Zink, Legends, Tamasha, Queens, Spinners, brown bottle and other stories.