Jaw
realignment and Rough Neck Massage Thika style.
"All that glitters is not gold" A cliché and a wrong
one at that, gold unlike the cheap copper coated jewelry Nairobi girls actually
flash around does not glitter, in fact its just sturdy and rare. Whats
my point? you ask, well here goes, Thika might be the easiest place in Kenya to
start a business and actually make real money,,, that is a well-researched and
proven fact, that notwithstanding, it is
not the hardest place to get mugged, and in the most unexpected ways.
Take my pal Steve who we shall call Voste for the sake of protecting his privacy. Huh! So is the typical gym maniac who has however been unable to get rid of his pot belly, instead he has what in a shirt looks like an overdue pregnancy,,, on closer examination, it is a pot belly with a six pack on it,, a real one,, bizarre if you ask me. A year or so ago he steps out of zinc,, yep zinc again,, surreptitious to make a private phone call, more to the point to explain to his girlfriend why the “kesha” he was attending would last till dawn. The moment he put his phone to his ear with the archetypical Nairobi swag, some guys… he claims there were at least 10 although am sure they cannot have been more than two. Anyway he says they closed off his respiratory system in what some witty guys have referred to as RNM (rough neck massage) and in less time than it takes to okoa jahazi , he was minus wallet, shoes, phone most of his dignity.
Take my pal Steve who we shall call Voste for the sake of protecting his privacy. Huh! So is the typical gym maniac who has however been unable to get rid of his pot belly, instead he has what in a shirt looks like an overdue pregnancy,,, on closer examination, it is a pot belly with a six pack on it,, a real one,, bizarre if you ask me. A year or so ago he steps out of zinc,, yep zinc again,, surreptitious to make a private phone call, more to the point to explain to his girlfriend why the “kesha” he was attending would last till dawn. The moment he put his phone to his ear with the archetypical Nairobi swag, some guys… he claims there were at least 10 although am sure they cannot have been more than two. Anyway he says they closed off his respiratory system in what some witty guys have referred to as RNM (rough neck massage) and in less time than it takes to okoa jahazi , he was minus wallet, shoes, phone most of his dignity.
Rumor has it that he stalked back in the club,
borrowed 200bob from a pal(Using gestures,, I hear) and fled Thika on “foot” in
the first Matatu he saw . He wasn’t seen
in our good city for a long time. Moral of the story, before you take a call
while drunk on the streets of Thika; look left, look right and then look up
again.
Truth be told, Thika is a pretty safe town and you are more likely to be harassed by Underpaid overweight cops who were the subject of last week’s article (See; A road that is a cash cow). Than by the occasional criminal but make no mistake about it, some parts of Thika city are a no go Zones especially after sundown. Anywhere near the Kiandutu area, along Garrisa road for instance, only go there on foot if you wish to meet the freelance dentists for jaw realignment and other cosmetic services such as Africanizing ones eyes (Black eyes for the Ngeta virgins). Unlike the capitalist doctors of today who dictate astronomical fees , these ones accept what you have on you and operate on mutual trust. As a matter of fact, you can trust them with your ATM and Mpesa Pin should it be required of you, trust is crucial in this transactions and lies in such a situation are likely to escalate the intensity of the “services” seriously you could die. So should this ever happen to you, co-operate and live to be mugged another day. I know this from experience, but that is a story for another day, to be safe in this our good town, Stick to the CBD from Thika arcade to around Leens supermarket, and if you must go to Cravers or any of the fringed resorts, buy a car or take a boda boda, just ensure you call someone with the Bodabodist’s phone and tell them the Number plate better to be safe than dead.
Truth be told, Thika is a pretty safe town and you are more likely to be harassed by Underpaid overweight cops who were the subject of last week’s article (See; A road that is a cash cow). Than by the occasional criminal but make no mistake about it, some parts of Thika city are a no go Zones especially after sundown. Anywhere near the Kiandutu area, along Garrisa road for instance, only go there on foot if you wish to meet the freelance dentists for jaw realignment and other cosmetic services such as Africanizing ones eyes (Black eyes for the Ngeta virgins). Unlike the capitalist doctors of today who dictate astronomical fees , these ones accept what you have on you and operate on mutual trust. As a matter of fact, you can trust them with your ATM and Mpesa Pin should it be required of you, trust is crucial in this transactions and lies in such a situation are likely to escalate the intensity of the “services” seriously you could die. So should this ever happen to you, co-operate and live to be mugged another day. I know this from experience, but that is a story for another day, to be safe in this our good town, Stick to the CBD from Thika arcade to around Leens supermarket, and if you must go to Cravers or any of the fringed resorts, buy a car or take a boda boda, just ensure you call someone with the Bodabodist’s phone and tell them the Number plate better to be safe than dead.
Welcome to Thika guys.
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