Murang'a Highschool: 2003. When form ones ranked lower than bedbugs.

Don't worry about the fact that we can't spell "anniversary" right. There millions of other words we have spelled correctly in those 50 years. Focus  on those. 

Am angry as I write this. I have loaded my modem with enough bundles to stream the original Matrix  movie but Safaricom has decided that their network has better things to do. Actually they are doing me, but in the way that sounds like tool a carpenter would use to fasten boards.  I think back to why I never saw the Matrix movie properly. Granted at one point in my life, I was in a hall where the movie was playing for over two hours but I didn't get get to watch much of it. Place and time: Murang’a high school in 2003. 

I was  a rabble, Mono, Njoka, or Njoka ya Ngoma (The devil’s form ones) among other unflattering terms used by senior students to describe junior students. Being a form one was easily the lowest life form I have ever or might ever assume (This will be true even if i reincarnate as plankton) . I remember (I wish I couldn’t) a guy called Wakandege, I highly doubt that was his real name. He cornered me at the canteen and demanded I buy hims a Ngumu - A type of rock bun that had more rock than bun in it.  Anywho, it cost 5 shillings which I did not have at least not there. He could have told me to go to the dorm and get it, I may have run off but truth be told I was too chickenshit scared to have. He opted to drag me to the drawing and design classroom and make me squat on the floor. He then expertly placed a tall  stool on top of me such that I was squeezed between its legs.  Picture stuffing a sheep in a cage meant for a bird. Legs sticking out as meekly as a lamb heading for slaughter.(I don’t like the direction this is taking). Anyway keep the sheep and have some form four doing his homework sitting on the stool under which I am squatting holding a ruler pencil and a piece of paper; tools I am supposed to draw and design a fake five shilling note to buy my freedom.  Above me, his bottom presumably followed by whatever part of him that was not complete as# (fat chance) was actually doing his homework and discussing it with his classmates. None who appeared to notice or care that there was a human being whose dignity was leaking out faster than our national coffers are at the moment  and smelling their sweaty feet. Did I mention his bottom less than 2 inches from my head? No? Ok forget it then it can't have been important. I didn't manage to draw the money. I have never been good at drawing anyway. 

That was just a slice of the blissful existence many form ones lead in those times. Some evenings, a  form four would stand in the middle of the dorm and scream. “Monooooooooo!!!!!!.” And  every form one within the scope his foul breath which by far outspaced  his voice would run towards him, and the last one would be handed a load of washing that could turn clean water brown just by being near the bucket. Am talking rugby and soccer socks that were so filthy an caked in sweat and probably some poor sod's blood they would probably stand on their own.  Back to Matrix. When the never ageing Keanu Reeves was doing his timeless dance against Agent Smith/s, the form fours would come and find us humble rabble sitting at the front of the hall near the 21 or 25? inch TV since we practically broke our feet to get there in time. They would stroll in 10 minutes late and one of them, would sing: 

 “Imwe agree ithatu njuka ni ndoka”“Inya ithano ithathatu njuka ehera” Translated
One two three, Form one I am hereFour Five Six Form one get the hell out of here.

Those lacking in dexterity would be unceremoniously thrown off their seats and sometimes the pillows they had brought to sit on confiscated.  Our hall was super-big and everyone taller than me. Watching the movies from 50 meters behind a bunch of taller kids does not really count as watching. So today I am getting my childhood back. I don't care if they are using Mpesa in Romania, Safaricom better make this happen or am going to shred my Simcard. 

PS. By the time I left Muhigh, these inhuman characters had graduated and the next crop was more interested in getting a mean of B+ and above than dehumanising little boys. Am still proud of my Alma Mater but I only feel deja vu about my years as a form one when am walking in a crime prone area at night.